Have you ever felt stuck? Felt like your in between a rock and a hard place? Well I'm going to be very honest here. I've felt this way for practically my entire life.
In every season the limitations of what I can and cannot do looked different. When I was younger I wasn't allowed to hang out with my friends at certain places.I wasn't allowed to watch certain TV shows etc. I always looked at everyone else and said "that's not fair how come I can't do that?" At an earlier age I asked my parents that question. But now as an adult I ask God those questions. I realized that, that was just Gods way of guarding my heart, my soul and my mind. I avoided the heartache of a lot of things because God said NO! I realized my parents wasn't being mean, they were protecting me on God's behalf. I am forever grateful for that protection.
Now as a 20 year old young woman I still find God's protection FRUSTRATING!!!!!! I get angry sometimes because I can't put on a tight dress and some heels, get drunk and go to a popping club and twerk on a guy! I get irritated because I just can't date any guy who wants to ask me out. I get a little salty when I always have to be the bigger person and love when it's not deserved.I'm aggravated because I can't just lay down and be depressed. Something in me just won't die. It won't let me roll over and play dead. No matter how badly I want to throw in the towel and quit. In this season I've had these moments quite often. I'm in a season where I'm just trusting God. I don't see anything that he has promised. Sometimes I wish I didn't hear his voice. It is not an easy thing to be chosen. It's not easy saying yes to God's will. But deep down in my soul I know it's WORTH IT!
When I feel like giving up I literally cry out and yell at God. I cried
"Jesus help me. I don't know what to do. I'm hurting so bad God. Please make it stop. Don't you see I'm miserable? I feel stuck. I feel trapped! I feel used and abused.I'm only 20 I shouldn't be this stressed!!!! Why me God???? WHY?!"
"Because I have CHOSEN YOU MY BELOVED! Yes I see you. I know your heart is broken. I see every tear you cry! But you know what else I see? I see a strong pastor of a church one day. I see a devoted, gracious wife. I see a loving patient mother. I see an successful author. I see a woman who is on fire for me. That woman is the person I'm crafting you to be! I have to break you and remold you. It's not going to be fun, but trust that it's all going to be worth it. And I'll get all the glory for it. You're not stuck sweetie. I don't want you to move from this training ground. What you feel is my loving tight grip! Your my seed and underground I'm watering you. So when you burst out and I will unveil you, you will bare fruit for my kingdom. I love you to much to let you go. This is only for a season. Better days are coming princess. Trust me."
So I Kiera Danielle Ford give Jesus Christ my savior, permission to do whatever you want to do in me. I won't quit no matter what I may look like to people! No matter how I feel I will wait upon You God! I've wrestled with God a lot this season! I've told him to let me go. But he loved me enough to squeeze me tighter. I've felt condemned because I told Jesus to leave me alone. I've felt bad because I was fighting with him. But I immediately starting praising him because his hand was still on me when I wasn't worthy of his hand. The best realization about wrestling with God is that his hands are on you the whole time and he always wins!
Embrace God's grip on your life. It's confirmation that you are special! That you are chosen for a divine purpose! Surrendering to God doesn't mean giving up it means, your being saved up for better.
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