Your shell is selfish

Your shell is selfish 

This fact about my self may shock everyone who knows me. I am an Introvert and not an extrovert. Introverts recharge by themselves where as extrovert recharge by hanging around other people. People automatically assume I'm and extrovert because I'm very bubbly and energetic. But there's this part of me that always wants to just lock myself up in a room and don't be bothered with anyone. 

If you seen me be upbeat while I'm out and hanging with a group of friends, that's because I more than likely had a great nap, an hour or so to myself and more importantly quite time with God. Most of the time I go and hide in God. When I feel like my heart is broken I run to him and burry myself in his love. I NEED that time away with God if I don't have it I am an emotional mess. When I talk to him and lay my cares before him my anxious heart calms in his beautiful presence. God rebuilds me and restores me. He reminds me of the value I have in him. And then he tells me to GO! Go back and love those who have hurt you. Learn to forgive and open yourself up to be a blessing to people. Love, love, love and serve people. And by the end of my conversation with God I always feel better. So I obey and get up and go. But there are times when I play games. 

Sometimes I choose to try and nurse my own wounds. While I'm trying to nurse my wounds I build myself a shell while I "heal". While I'm "healing" I literally don't talk to anyone. If you ask me how I'm doing I will smile and say I'll be fine. But I won't go into details. You see the longer you try to put band aids on deep wounds the deeper you go into your own pain and the further you hide in your shell. Two of my closest friends have figured me out. They always know when I'm going through something. My best friend says "how you been? Haven't heard from you in a while. Hope everything is ok. Side note: I know your depressed about something. Let me know when you want to talk." My other friend would just send me convicting/encouraging messages all day until I finally call her and tell her what's up. God will place people in your life that you cannot fool. They will see right through your shell and call you out on it. You need those people. Thank God for them they really are a blessing.

God sees through every wall and shell that we attempt to build. Not only does he see them he will come inside and get you. There is no such thing as ignoring him. If he wants to get a message to you HE WILL! The Holy Spirit will invade and save you! I remember one time when I was trying to build a shell and hide in it. I barely was talking to my friends and I didn't have quite time with Jesus. I was having a pity party of one. So one of my fav things to do by myself is to watch a sad movie or chick flick. I was watching a new movie called "Beyond the Lights" ( such a great movie btw). There was this one dramatic moment where this song called " fly before you fall". The lyrics go like this: 

" your a tower of strength when your breaking down ,but through the walls I can hear your cry. And when it's silent your screaming inside. And I break cause I hear you loud as a bomb wanting a shoulder to cry on. I hear you tumbling fast. Hear and now, you're afraid. Don't you worry I'll teach you to fly before you fall away." 

I paused the movie. As tears rolled down my face. God spoke to me so clearly through those lyrics. He said 

" kiera I know your hurting even when you don't tell me. Your screaming on the inside but you won't let anyone help you and you won't allow me to do it. Your dying in this shell. Your shell is not protecting you its stealing from you. It's taking your joy and blocking blessings. I said you are a city on the hill not a secret to be kept! Why are you hiding out in the valley when your life should be a display for all to see my glory? You are being selfish! When you hide away like that, your not sharing the gospel. They are people out there who need you to be a vessel. They need to hear your testimony so that they know they can make it too! Stop hiding the gifts I gave you. Why do you question your talent? Do you not trust the works of my Holy hands? Come out of your shell because I'm about to break these walls anyway." 

I know life is hard. Having an guarded but open heart is not easy to acquire. I know it hurts to feel like you've been walked on by people. I know there's that annoying voice inside of your head telling you you're not talented enough and that no one wants to hear what you have to say. Fight the urge to hide. God equips you with courage to step out. Pray and ask him for it.So just trust that he has your back, he has your heart and he will protect you.

So what gifts God has given you that your being selfish with? Hiding doesn't mean you'll never get hurt again. What you're missing out on is greater than, what you're trying to protect yourself from.Get out of your shell and enjoy an open life with Jesus, it's what he died for.

The Frustation of God's Grip

The Frustration of God's Grip

Have you ever felt stuck? Felt like your in between a rock and a hard place? Well I'm going to be very honest here. I've felt this way for practically my entire life. 

In every season the limitations of what I can and cannot do looked different. When I was younger I wasn't allowed to hang out with my friends at certain places.I wasn't allowed to watch certain TV shows etc. I always looked at everyone else and said "that's not fair how come I can't do that?" At an earlier age I asked my parents that question. But now as an adult I ask God those questions. I realized that, that was just Gods way of guarding my heart, my soul and my mind. I avoided the heartache of a lot of things because God said NO! I realized my parents wasn't being mean, they were protecting me on God's behalf. I am forever grateful for that protection.

Now as a 20 year old young woman I still find God's protection FRUSTRATING!!!!!! I get angry sometimes because I can't put on a tight dress and some heels, get drunk and go to a popping club and twerk on a guy! I get irritated because I just can't date any guy who wants to ask me out. I get a little salty when I always have to be the bigger person and love when it's not deserved.I'm aggravated because I can't just lay down and be depressed. Something in me just won't die. It won't let me roll over and play dead. No matter how badly I want to throw in the towel and quit.  In this season I've had these moments quite often. I'm in a season where I'm just trusting God. I don't see anything that he has promised. Sometimes I wish I didn't hear his voice. It is not an easy thing to be chosen. It's not easy saying yes to God's will. But deep down in my soul I know it's WORTH IT!

When I feel like giving up I literally cry out and yell at God. I cried 

"Jesus help me. I don't know what to do. I'm hurting so bad God. Please make it stop. Don't you see I'm miserable? I feel stuck. I feel trapped! I feel used and abused.I'm only 20 I shouldn't be this stressed!!!! Why me God???? WHY?!"

"Because I have CHOSEN YOU MY BELOVED! Yes I see you. I know your heart is broken. I see every tear you cry! But you know what else I see? I see a strong pastor of a church one day. I see a devoted, gracious wife. I see a loving patient mother. I see an successful author. I see a woman who is on fire for me. That woman is the person I'm crafting you to be! I have to break you and remold you. It's not going to be fun, but trust that it's all going to be worth it. And I'll get all the glory for it. You're not stuck sweetie. I don't want you to move from this training ground. What you feel is my loving tight grip! Your my seed and underground I'm watering you. So when you burst out and I will unveil you, you will bare fruit for my kingdom. I love you to much to let you go. This is only for a season. Better days are coming princess. Trust me."

So I Kiera Danielle Ford give Jesus Christ my savior, permission to do whatever you want to do in me. I won't quit no matter what I may look like to people! No matter how I feel I will wait upon You God! I've wrestled with God a lot this season! I've told him to let me go. But he loved me enough to squeeze me tighter. I've felt condemned because I told Jesus to leave me alone. I've felt bad because I was fighting with him. But I immediately starting praising him because his hand was still on me when I wasn't worthy of his hand. The best realization about wrestling with God is that his hands are on you the whole time and he always wins!

Embrace God's grip on your life. It's confirmation that you are special! That you are chosen for a divine purpose! Surrendering to God doesn't mean giving up it means, your being saved up for better.

Seasonal Blessings( the truth about forever)

Seasonal blessings 

(The truth about forever)

I haven't always been good at letting certain things go. And I'm not talking about hoarding negative emotions and bad experiences . I struggled to let go of a good season when God said the time was up. I was afraid that  there wasn't better for me out there. I had a habit of my really relying on people and giving them things that I should of gave to God for him to handle. God had to teach me that I should only hold him that closely. I had to learn how to transition in different seasons.And in every season and transition HE was faithful.God is eternity.

God gives us things and people for only a season sometimes.When that job or person time is up we tend to mourn.

Everything in our life is borrowed. God lends us people. We don't even belong to our parents. Their temporally in charge of us. God gives them the responsibility to raise us in the way that he allows us to be raised. 

Your parents don't support what GOD is telling you to do? Ok say "thanks for your opinion. Love you." And you go back to your heavenly fathers business. Because at the end of the day he's the only approval we need.We are children of the almighty king. He's the only guaranteed thing in our lives. His love is the promise that can't be broken. His way is the right way.He's the only faithful thing in every season. the only thing without a time limit because he created time.

We tend to carry old things that expired into our new season. Then we tell god " lord I'm feeling heavy, over worked, tired and burdened." Duh!!! That's because your carrying  things that we don't need in that season. That's like you carrying your winter coat in the summer. Yes the winter coat was a blessing. It kept you warm. It protected you from the rain. It allowed you to move and go out in the winter. But now it's summer. You no longer need it. God promised you that you will make it through not the coat.  

Let go of old things that are holding you back. Don't cry on a shut door that God put chains on. If you lift your head you can see God standing in front of an open door waiting for you to walk through. It's not healthy to clutch on to people or things. When we refuse to let things go we're refusing to trust God. The things, dreams and people you love are the safest in God's hand. Why wouldn't you want the one you love the most to be in charge of the things you love? God is Lord! He is the boss! Surrender everything to him and allow him to do whatever he wants to do with it! And trust that whatever he does is for your best interest!

Eternity lies in ONLY his hands. Not your husbands hand, not your parents hands, not your best friends hands.You can't put forever on anything but Gods love. Let it go.

Reserved heart

God has reserved us for someone special. A person that is uniquely created to compliment you. Not just anyone can come into your life and just bag you up. They have to go to the one who knows you best. The one that created you inside and out. 

God has the master key to your heart. He is the super. He does the cleaning in your heart. He adds and takes away what's needed. He repairs what's broken. He gives out keys to renters. He allows other people he blesses you with into apartments of your heart, but he's the one that runs the whole building. Does God have the master key to your heart or is he just your supply closet? You take out what you think you need and just close the door shut. God is not only the protecter of your heart, he's also the Gardner of your hearts desires. The Holy Spirit came so he can guide and lead us.And he wants to lead you in your love life. 

How many times are you going to wreck your own heart by you being the controller? Saying that it's good practice to date just anyone so you can learn what to do and what not to do when your married, is just as silly as saying  I'm going to do crack so I can learn why it's not good for me. 

Your heart is reserved! Not anyone can just take it. But some of you are acting like your heart and body is general admissions. You will find your self picking up ugly things in your heart if you don't guard it. You will fall flat on your face, drown in your desperate tears with out God.Let God take control. He gives you the best. It will be so worth it.

How God sees us #confidence

Confidence 

When you look in the world for answers to anything, you will always find your self more confused. There's something really special about walking in confidence. Knowing that your not anything less than what God created you to be. 

"I will feel better when..."

You won't get more confident when the weight comes off, when you get a man or that new job. When those things happen you will just find something else to be insecure about. Or you will miss your blessing because you're to insecure to see it. Get to the root of the issue and bring it to God! 

Your flaws have purpose 

You should look at your flaws as open room for God's grace. A Confident person is a flawed human being that knows that they are covered in grace, and realizing that they will be nothing with out it. That's having confidence. Saying that yes I'm not perfect but I'm still great! I'm not perfect but Jesus still died for me. God will use those areas in our lives that we struggle with for his glory. People will look at your life and say " she's a hot mess how did she make it?" "She didn't go to an Ivy League school, how she got that job?"And the answer will always be GOD'S GRACE!!! Embrace what makes you, You. 

God is a great creator 

We gaze at the sky, stars, moon, the beautiful ocean and the bright sun and are in awe of its beauty. But we stare in the mirror in disgust with ourselves. As if we weren't created by the same God.The same powerful hands that created the beautiful earth created you. We question God's power as a creator when we look down on ourselves. God says in the bible that we are fearfully, wonderfully made. He doesn't say that about anything else other than the amazing people he created. We are God's prize possession. In his eyes we are more beautiful than the sun he created. I challenge you to see your self how God sees you. Not how the world sees you, or those lies the enemy tries to tell you. Go to your loving Heavenly Father for answers on your beauty and value. I did and this is what he told me:

"Kiera you are loved. You are beautiful! I sent my son to die because you are worth loving. You are worth dying and fighting for!You're a leader.You're vibrant, smart and you make me laugh. You're everything I created you to be. I'm proud of the gift I made. And you should be to. " -God

x

Bitterness has to GO!

Lately I've been noticing things about my self. I have not been taking criticism well. I've been real antisocial. I haven't been in the mood to be around people. Every little thing that people did or said caused me to cry or get angry. I was ignoring the root of all these things. Truth is Ive been bitter.

I thought bitterness looked differently than how it affected me. I thought bitter meant being sad and being scared to love and trust people. Which is true. I realized the hurt that I have clustered in my heart caused me not to serve the people in my life. Not serving is not loving. Being selfish and inconsiderate is not loving. Not giving people grace because they made a mistake and trying to teach them a lesson is not trusting God to be your source of justice and your defender. You cannot love with bitterness. You can not trust with bitterness. And you cannot grow with bitterness.

Bitterness has blocked lessons that people that love me have been trying to teach me. Instead of listening I just got defensive. Bitterness gave birth to a scared heart that put up walls the size of Jericho. Imagine if the people of Jericho showed up on day seven bitter and angry at God because the walls didn't fall down the the first 6 days. The walls would have never fell at all if they were bitter on day 7. Bitterness blocks us from a lot of blessings. The areas that we are bitter in we should overflow that area with praise. Praise causes walls to come down not salty attitudes. Bitterness not only builds walls it also opens doors. It opens walls to whatever lies the enemy wants to tell you. "Oh they don't love you, your just being used." "They don't care about you why should you care about them?" Bitterness robbed me of peace in my heart. It brought in jealousy because it blinded me of God's faithfulness in my own life.

Today I choose to be set free from this.God I pray that you crumble that door. That the door of bitterness will fall down just like the walls of Jericho. Deliver me from anxiety and anger. Lord mold my heart so it can look just like yours. Bitterness I'm done with you. Goodbye for life you joy stealer. You're not welcomed here again. I am covered and filled with God's grace so that I can give it when needed. So I can love without limits.so I can dream without fear. So I can walk like Jesus.God I'm sorry for being angry with you or anyone else. Today I'm personally going to apologize to people that I hurt out of my bitterness. You can't love the people God has called you to love and serve with bitter hearts. Let it go and be set free.

God's heart for singleness

Can we all be honest and admit that being single is the struggle sometimes. I mean the thirst can be real and strong. Every season has it's purpose. God designed singleness for a purpose. And that purpose is not to torture us slowly. It's to teach us and prepare us for things that are only for you and God to work out.

I have this thing where I can't clean if there's another person standing in the room and in my way. My mom likes to stand in my bedroom when it's messy and tell me what to clean. She points out what's dirty. But I really can't start cleaning with her in there. I clean in a way where I throw everything on the floor and then start to clean. I perfer for no one to watch me as I do this. We all have things that are not so pretty and lovable in us. We all have the right to a process. We should stand in the presence of God free to be who we are. We should be free to mess up and get healed whatever way we want. We should be free to get ugly in front of God in order to get your break through.God wants us alone with him cleaning up the mess to save us the heartache of another person standing in the middle of your mess pinpointing what you need to work on. He wants to get you ready before your future spouse shows up. So when they do come in the picture you can focus on BUILDING and not so much cleaning.

Love your future marriage enough to take advantage of the growing opportunity(singleness).Instead of thirsting or fighting for your future spouse heart search for God's heart in the process. What is God saying in this season? What is God removing inside of you that you need to be praying for? Take advantage of all the wisdom he's teaching in this season, chances are you're going to need it in the future.Once you search for God's heart the thirst begins to be directed to Christ. Then you start elevating in him. You go deeper in his love and become obsessed with him. Your heart becomes guarded and covered in the safest place. Then you'll find your spouse in  God's hand holding both of your hearts.

In the Temple

You can find me in the temple Luke 2:25-50


Jesus parents were running around worried looking for Jesus. How many of us run around and look for Jesus worried? They found him in the temple doing his fathers business. My prayer is that people will always find me in the temple doing what God has called me to do.

Jesus was in the temple.
In life we go through things and we run around looking For Jesus. Even though Mary was worried about where Jesus was,Jesus was never worried about where his parents were. Because he is aware of everything. Jesus was in Gods hands. Sometimes we worry after people and stress our selves out for no reason. Every last one of us is in the temple of Gods heart. Your family member is,  your friends is, and your future spouse is. So you don't have to run around looking for them.

Searching for Jesus
The definition of Temple is the dwelling place of God.

Loving someone you have never seen can be heard sometimes. So we ask ourselves. Where is Jesus? How can I get to him? When God Created us he left a huge void in our hearts just the size of his sovereign hand. So our heart is temple of God because God dwells  there. So when he seems far dig deep within your self and you'll find him there. Right inside of you. His love is overflowing in you. Jesus is in the temple molding you on the inside doing what God told him to do. Hes taking stuff out that doesn't belong there. He's strecting your heart so you can love stronger and deeper. He's filling in voids and healing wounds. Keep calm Jesus is in the temple.

We should all remain in Gods temple. If our perfect savior Jesus was always willing to learn so should we. We should be constantly asking questions. Constantly studying the word. Making sure our temple is clean.  That's where Jesus matured. And that's how we mature.
Go to the temple.

Messy beds

There's a common phrase that goes like this " you made your bed now lye in it." The problem is not that people made messy beds, the problem is their lying in it. Laying in their mess having pitty parties. You don't want anyone to know your bed is a mess so you lock your door and lay in the mess you created. Now this is not an excuse to not be accountable for your own actions and choices. This is a tip for getting free from condemnation.

Condemnation can be tricky sometimes. The enemy tells you" your filthy, you created this mess you deserve this pain. So stay in it. If you stay there long enough you will learn your lesson. " not true!! And some of us like to surround ourselves with professional tuckers. You have a hard time resting because your bed is filthy so they make you comfortable in your mess and tuck you in. The longer you lye in your guilt, shame, the more you loose sight of who you are. Who God created you to be!! Jesus died so that we can have a bed in heaven. And that's the only time anyone should lay down. Cause that's when the fight is over. When we won and we are face to face with our king. Jesus rose from the grave! He didn't lay in it! And he left the mess, the filthy clothes right there in the tomb. The Romans came back and the stones were broken.

 Some of you need to unlock that door you tried to hide your mess behind. You can't hide from God no matter how hard you try. He knows. He sees your mess so you might as well open the door and let him heal you. Let him make you clean and whole again. He loves you so much. He doesn't want you lying in your mess. He wants to teach you how to make better beds, how to make the right choices. Say lord. I'm a mess. I need you God. I got so many issues. With no solution. I don't know what to do. I'm so tempted to just isolate myself and lay in my mess. God show me how to get up and push. Give me strength God. Give me complete healing. I need deliverance.save me father. I can't do it without you. I love you and I know for sure you love me unconditionally. So i will not hide from you. I won't run from your love. I choose to lay in your grace instead.